Bird Drabbles
by Kerella
Summary: A handful of fics that are all interconnected, but mostly able to stand alone.
1. Expense Reports

Disclaimer: only the accountant is mine. The rest belongs to Tatsunoko and Lori McDonald. To ge the full effect, read "The Comm Channel" and "Encounters." Just don't be drinking anything when you do.

Warning: mild language, adult innuendo

* * *

When did I start to hate Fridays? There was a time in my life that I looked forward to Friday all week. It was the last day of work, and from 5 pm until 8 am the following Monday, my time was my own. What happened? Where did that TGIF feeling go? 

I put my coffee down on my desk and saw the small pile in my in-box.

Oh, yeah, that's what happened. Hakase, why can't you do your own dirty work? You send a bunch of kids to deal with Galactor for you, and you send me to deal with that bunch of kids.

In two hours I was going to have a series of five extremely unpleasant, possibly even near-death, experiences.

I'd better call maintenance and give them a heads-up.

The problem with being an accountant is that when someone disagrees with a financial decision, you get blamed for it. I just count the beans and tell the Board of Directors how many we have, I don't tell them what to do with their beans.

But I do have a few suggestions for them.

I sat down at my desk, opened the top drawer, and pulled out the bottle of Tylenol. Call it a pre-emptive strike, but I would be lucky if I didn't walk out with a migraine at the end of the day. All ISO employees are required to turn in their expense reports every Friday morning. Fortunately, I only have to review five of those reports.

Unfortunately, those five reports belong to the Kagaku Ninjatai.

I glanced over the Eagle's report as I tried to fish two pills from the bottom of the bottle. So far, so good. Just one or two little problems.

I managed to drag two pills out of the bottle and down them with some coffee as I moved on to the next report. I looked that one over briefly, put it down, and grabbed the bottle bottle again.

Empty! DAMN!

It was going to be a long morning…

By 10 a.m. maintenance was on standby with various wall-patching and furniture repair supplies, and the Kagaku Ninjatai were waiting on the bench outside my office.

I called the Eagle in first.

"Well, once again, yours is probably the most impeccably neat report in the stack, Ken," I started. It always goes easier with him if you soften him up a bit first. He smiled back at me with a smile that melts most girls' hearts. It doesn't work as well on this girl. "As you know, the ISO's position is that your bar tab has no bearing on ISO business, and as such, is not a reimbursable expense. You know I read these things every week, and yet you still try to sneak this one past me every time you turn it in," I said, while doing my best to give him that stern you-know-better look. The smile on his face quickly shifted to that scolded-puppy look that I hate.

"The rest of your report was approved. Your credit card statement came in yesterday and I have a few questions about the charges. What on Earth did you buy at Barnes & Noble for $84.96?" I asked.

"Well, you see," he said, "the team therapist wouldn't release me for duty until I purchased a few books."

"I don't want to know any more," I said. When it came to the team therapist, my policy was "Don't ask, don't tell".

I reached into the petty cash box and withdrew $115.23 to cover his mileage for the week. I really wish Hakase would just take an unmarked ISO fleet vehicle to his meetings, instead of having a member of the KNT drive him around. It would be so much cheaper.

The Eagle stuffed the five twenty-dollar bills down the front of his pants, and the rest of the cash in the front pocket before he opened the door to the hall and walked out. The swan held her hand out to him and said, "Cough it up, Ken." I saw him hand her the cash from his front pocket and say, "That's all I've got!"

I looked at the next report, and immediately decided to deal with that one last. That made the Swan next.

"Good morning, Jun," I said, "Hakase has agreed to reimburse you for the cost of your film, processing, enlargement and framing. He also thanks you for the copy."

Jun smiled gratefully, "I think he'll find it useful."

"Now, when you signed up for your culinary arts course at the Junior College, you knew that tuition reimbursement was conditional on you making a 'C' average. I'd need a copy of your transcript before approving the rest of your request." I knew darn well why there was no transcript attached. Jinpei had already posted her grades in the break room by the coffee pot.

The smile disappeared and was replaced by a look that would freeze boiling water, if she could actually boil water. From somewhere in her pocket she produced a yo-yo and began carefully sending it up and down, her eyes never leaving mine. Most people would probably not be intimidated by a 17-year-old girl wielding a yo-yo, but I happen to know what she can do with it.

Her tuition reimbursement had been the bulk of her request, and I knew she was counting on it, even though it was less than a hundred dollars. I did the books for her cover operation, mostly because I didn't want to lose touch with private sector accounting, but also because she could use some free financial advice. I knew how tight her funds were right now, and that reimbursement could be the difference between paying rent this month or losing the place. Then a thought occurred to me, and I smiled ever so slightly.

"I'm sorry, Jun, but the Board is cracking down hard on anyone who deviates from their budget. If the Eagle hadn't driven Hakase around in his personal vehicle this week, I wouldn't have had to reimburse him $115. If it weren't for that…"

Now, with the Eagle, all hints must be applied with a sledgehammer if you want him to catch on. Fortunately, Jun was much more receptive to the subtleties of statement I had just made. And more importantly, she put that yo-yo back in her pocket! A devious grin spread across her face. I handed her the cash for the photo and waited with great anticipation as she walked out the door. When the door closed behind her, the muffled sounds of a rather short scuffle reached my ears.

The Swallow didn't have an expense report to review, but I had to take a moment to flip through my insurance file. There was a damage claim from Utoland City that I had to discuss with him.

When I opened the door to call Jinpei into my office, it was all I could do to keep my composure. Ken was on the floor, stomach down, arms and legs hog-tied behind his back (interesting use of the yo-yo, I must say), still protesting that she had gotten all he had. Jun was perched on his back, threatening a strip search if he didn't hand the rest of the money over. Boy, was she going to have fun when she figured out where he put it!

Jinpei walked in and sat in the chair facing me, propping his feet up on my desk. He dangled his bolos in front of him, knocking them together annoyingly as I picked up the damage claim. "Hakase wants you to have a look at this," I began, "as your paycheck will be docked until the entire amount has been repaid."

He put the bolos down as he looked the paper over. "What!" he shouted, "It's not my fault!"

" OneechantookapictureofmeandgavethecameratoanikinoJoeandherandownthestreetandgotarrested

againandIhadtostophimit'snotmyfault!"

"I don't care if she took a picture of you lying butt-naked on a bearskin rug! It does not give you permission to take out three squad cars and five street lights with your bolos! They are for use on official ISO business, nothing else," I responded. "Furthermore, if paying the ISO back does not make enough of an impression on you, perhaps the new artwork behind the Monet in the dining hall will. And if you don't remove your feet from my desk in three seconds, I'll take everyone down there right now to have a look at it."

Like his sister, the kid could take a hint.

I sat down at my now foot-free desk and said, "You may go. Send Ryu in next."

Jinpei sulked to the door and opened it. "Where's Ryu?" he asked Jun. Jun now had Ken on his back and was working at his belt buckle.

"He's around the corner at the vending machines," she told him, then turned back to Ken. Ken tried unsuccessfully to wriggle away from her grasp.

"Goddammit, Joe! Help me!" he shouted, shooting a desperate glance at his second-in-command.

"Ken, just sit back and enjoy it while you can," Joe advised.

"Joe, I order you to get off your ass and get me out of this!"

"Well, in that case," Joe responded in a voice that said Ken was going to regret that particular order. He walked over to where Ken was lying on the ground and shooed Jun off of him. He grabbed Ken by the belt buckle and lifted just a couple of inches — enough to grant not only access, but an interesting view as well. "Here ya go, Jun!" Jun took her time retrieving the wad of cash as Ken shouted, "Shimatta! I am going to get you for this you sonofabitch!"

"What the hell do you want? You ordered me to get you out of it, so I got you out of it! That's gratitude for you," Joe muttered and sat back down.

Just then, Ryu returned and walked into my office, shutting the door behind him as a gleeful Jun began releasing Ken from bondage - slowly.

"Geez, I miss all the fun!" the Owl whined. Of all the expense reports turned in that morning, Ryu's would probably be the easiest, if only I could read it. The tell-tale smudges, stains and wrinkles indicated that it had been filled out as he dined on sushi last night, then wadded up and stuffed in his pocket for the trip to my office the next morning. If I had any doubts, the overwhelming smell of fish removed them quickly. I pulled out a fresh form and rewrote the whole thing while we talked it over.

As he stood to leave my office, Ryu turned to me and asked, "Want me to send Joe in now?"

"No. I'll call him in soon enough," I said.

"Suit yourself," he responded and he walked out the door. When the door shut behind him, I rifled through my desk one more time. Tylenol, aspirin, ibuprofen, morphine, ANYTHING! Nothing.

I had no idea what to expect. Things had been a little different since Joe's return from BC Island. He'd been crankier. I had already lost my favorite Ansel Adams print to a flurry of shuriken, and the armory had experienced a fifty percent employee turnover in three weeks.

I got up and turned around to the Picasso hanging behind my desk. I carefully lifted it off its hooks and placed it gently on the floor, facing the wall. I reached behind the filing cabinet and removed the dartboard that I had tucked away back there, and hung it in place of my precious artwork. I glanced over my desk top.

Let's see… Letter opener, in the drawer you go. You, too, scissors. Pens and pencils off the desk. Hmmm. Better get the stapler, too 'cuz you just never know.

Satisfied that the more dangerous office implements had been safely stowed out of reach, I took my second visitors' chair and moved it behind my desk.

If he has to get up to grab it, I might have time to escape.

I leaned out the door into the hallway, "OK, Joe, I'm ready."

Joe entered my office and sat down in the remaining visitors' chair, promptly placing his feet upon my desk. When I opened my mouth to tell him to remove his feet, he glared at me as if to say, "Make me!"

I decided to drop it.

"First, Hakase wants to know how you managed to get a speeding ticket while responding to a bird scramble," I said, "why did you pull over?"

"I didn't. They mail the damned things now," he said.

"Well, switch to bird-style before breaking the speed limit from now on, OK?"

"Sure" THUNK!

Shuriken number one landed in the middle white ring of the dart board. If I can just keep him out of the center, I might survive this.

"Second, munitions reports that they had to reload your weapon on Sunday. You haven't been to the firing range or on a mission since your last reload. I need an explanation or we're going to have to take it out of your next paycheck," I said, with more than a little trepidation.

THUNK!

Shuriken number two — bullseye! K'SO!

"I had a date," he explained, his icy stare pinning me to my chair.

I recovered quickly and quipped, "Perhaps you should consider the priesthood, Joe. It's safer."

I never saw the shuriken fly, but the disturbance of hair at my temple and resounding THUNK! behind my left ear told me I had just had another near-death experience.

I really need to ask Hakase what happened on that island.

"Or perhaps you ought to stick with ISO personnel," I suggested with a nervous giggle.

He leaned over my desk, placing his face close to mine and said, "Are you offering?" Millions of girls would kill to be in my spot at that moment, and at that moment, I'd have gladly let any of them have it. I sat back and tucked the shuriken-loosened blonde strands behind my ear.

With Joe's luck, I'd be dead before the entrée arrived.

"Thanks, but I'm seeing someone." It was the best lie that I could come up with.

I was relieved when he walked out of my office shortly afterward, cash in hand. I looked forward to a day of reviewing audit reports and analyzing accounts, where my greatest danger lay in paper cuts. But first, I needed something for my headache, so I sent a requisition to Medical.

By the end of the day, I was sitting behind my desk with my head in my hands, fingers covering my face. The migraine I had feared earlier was well on its way.

Where are the pills I ordered this morning!

The sound of two soft raps on the door brought my head up momentarily. "It's open," I called, and put my head back down, squeezing my eyes shut. The door slid open quietly and shuffling steps moved to the front of my desk.

"Nambu Hakase asked me to discuss this requisition you sent to the medical personnel earlier," said a familiar voice.

Where do I know it from?

"Karen? A CASE of codeine? An entire case? What pain are you repressing? What tortured nightmare deep inside yourself? Please! TALK to me! CONFIDE in me! This repression, it's... it's..."

He wouldn't! I thought as I recognized the voice.

"It's not healthy!"


	2. Later That Afternoon

Disclaimer: I don't own Gatchaman, Tatsunoko Studios does. I will take full responsibility for all beaurocratic representatives and all furry, four-legged characters. 

The Snack J had been open for an hour, but you wouldn't know that without looking at the posted hours. There were no vehicles parked in front, and no customers inside. The joint's only occupant was concealed from view by the counter as she searched on her hands and knees for an uninvited guest in the lower cabinets.

_Why me?_ Jun thought to herself.

Her back was complaining about spending the past thirty minutes stooped over. The knees of her pants were grimy from kneeling on the floor to look under the grill. She sat up and wiped her hands on her thighs, then leaned back against the wall.

The motion caught the corner of a slip of paper that had been sitting at the edge of the counter. It drifted down into her lap. She read the handwritten scrawl again:

_Hey, Jun, we found some mice in that last batch of flour we got. Looks like our last delivery to you came out of that same shipment - you might want to check your place for signs._

_-Harry_

Harry's Restaurant Supply

Sure enough, something had chewed holes in three twenty-pound bags of flour, not to mention just about every other dry good she stored in the Snack. Now, here she was, on her hands and knees, searching every nook and cranny that she could aim a flashlight in. It was just as well. The only customers she ever saw this early on a Friday were her teammates, and the only one of them likely to put in an appearance today was Ryu.

Joe was going to be unsociable for a while. Apparently, his meeting with the team's one-woman accounting department had not gone well. Ken was not likely to forgive Jun for trying to strip-search him any time soon, but at least she would be able to keep her place open. Maybe the next time he got his expense reimbursement, he'd be more willing to cough it up and keep his tab going. Jinpei was still angry with her for letting Nambu have a copy of that photo, but he'd behave himself as long as she had the original. Jun still thought he looked too adorable, lying on that bearskin rug in his birthday best. Maybe she'd put it on display for the heck of it. Nah, she'd loose too many blackmail points.

Jinpei was due back any minute now. Their accountant had been sort-of right about Jun's need for that expense reimbursement. She'd already paid the rent for the month, but it would be hard to make rent the next month if she couldn't stay open, and she couldn't stay open with the water turned off. The moment she left Crescent Coral, she sent Jinpei to the city to pay the water bill and get it turned back on. She hoped they would hurry - customers were funny about having clean dishes.

Five minutes later, Jinpei rushed through the front door. As he made a mad dash up the stairs, he called down to Jun, "City says the water'll be back on in an hour!" When she heard his bedroom door slam, she decided he was still sulking and she was just going to wait until he felt like being a civilized human being before telling him to get his butt back downstairs.

_Which means he'll be down when he's 25_, she thought, _and what was that whimpering! _She shook her head and turned her attention to the backside of the refrigerator.

When her flashlight failed to reveal any beady-eyed fuzzies behind the fridge, she started searching the racks of canned goods. That's when she heard the front door open, and the soft scuffing sound of a woman's footsteps just inside the door. "Go ahead and seat yourself, I'll be out to take your order in a moment!" she called. She heard no more footsteps to indicate that her customer had taken her up on her suggestion, so she turned to face the door. The woman, dressed in a khaki skirt and matching blazer, was looking carefully around the dining room.

She stepped out from behind the bar to seat the woman herself. At that moment, a small, grey rodent appeared from behind one of the stools and stopped in front of the woman's feet. Fortunately, she was too concerned with checking out the dining tables to notice, and Jun hoped furtively that it would move on quickly. As she stood there waiting, she heard the door to Jinpei's room creak open.

A cream-colored, yapping mass of fur and teeth tore down the stairs, past Jun, and made a beeline for the mouse. The mouse, in its terror, attempted to find sanctuary by running between the woman's feet. Unfortunately, the puppy chose to take the same path, bowling the woman over face-first.

"JINPEI! You have thirty seconds to get this mutt out of here or I'm putting that picture on display right above the bar!" Jun managed through clenched teeth.

She regained some of her composure and bent to help her guest to her feet, "I'm terribly sorry, are you OK?"

"Yes, I uh, I'm fine," the shocked lady stammered.

"Now, what would you like to drink?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't introduce myself," the woman began. "I'm with the Health Department."


	3. The Same Thing I do Every Night part 1

Pinky & the Brain are the property of Warner Brothers.

Gatchaman, The Kagaku Ninjatai, the God Phoenix, Berg Katse and Sosai X are the property of Tatsunoko.

Thanks to Julieann and Allison for mecha ideas.

Muffled scratching sounds emanated from the overturned coffee cup. Jinpei did his best to hide his new acquisitions from his sister's all-seeing eyes. Well, almost all-seeing. When Jun turned her back, he slid the cup and its captives off the edge of the counter and onto the palm of his hand. Covering the cup to prevent escape, he turned it upright and dashed upstairs to his room, almost overcome by excitement.

The mood inside the cup was considerably less jovial.

"You realize that this is all your fault," the shorter mouse accused.

"I'm sorry, Brain, but I found Roquefort in the store room!" said the taller one.

"Smelly as it was, that mass you encountered was not, nor will it ever be, a dairy product," stated Brain.

With that, the pair was shoved into a tiny mouse cage with a water bottle, a tray of moldy gerbil food, and the mandatory squeaky wheel. There they stayed until nightfall while Brain plotted and Pinky amused himself in the exer-wheel.

As night fell on Utoland City, five apparently innocuous bracelets began beeping. With the sun gracefully departing from the sky, five young people slipped off to parts unknown as the daybirds drifted to sleep, and the nightowls began to open their eyes.

The spinning wheel squeaked to a stop and Pinky began dabbing at the sweat on his brow with a towel.

"What are we doing tonight, Brain?" asked Pinky.

"Same thing we do every — where did you get that towel?" said Brain.

"I borrowed it from Douglas Adams," Pinky answered.

"Yes, but, it wasn't here a moment ago!" Brain insisted.

"This is Gatchaman, Brain. As long as it fits the plot, it doesn't have to make sense," Pinky explained.

"Or even be scientifically possible, it seems," Brain muttered, "So much the better… Pinky, get over here and help me push this cage off the table so the door will pop open and we can make good our escape from this foul-mouthed, pre-pubescent human."

"Why do we want to do that, Brain?"

"So we can try to take over the world!"

With that, Pinky and the Brain strained against the bars of their mouse cage, sticking their feet through the bars on the bottom of the cage to the desk top below.

"It's no good , Pinky. We're too heavy. We'll have to find another way out," Brain panted.

"I know!" Pinky exclaimed, then reached through the door. In a few quick motions, he slid the latch aside and pushed the door open. He shut and latched the door behind him, and ran to the opposite side of the cage from Brain. As he began shoving the cage again he asked, "Does this help, Brain?"

Brain fumed.

At that moment, the balance of force versus weight shifted and Pinky pushed the cage over the edge of the desk. An annoying squeak above his head caused Brain to look up from his landing spot in time to see the exer-wheel bearing down on him.

From his inception, the Brain had been blessed by a diabolical creativity. Unfortunately, Warner Brothers had not seen fit to extend that creativity to the use of vulgarities, leaving the Brain with only one avenue to express his inner frustration at the situation. He glared.

"So, what's the plan tonight, Brain?" Pinky asked.

Pinky's query took the edge off of Brain's frustration as he focused on his latest megalomaniacal scheme to conquer the Earth. It did absolutely nothing for the headache, though.

"In recent years a peculiar phenomena has developed, Pinky," Brain explained, "Humans have abandoned the traditional restaurant dining experience in favor of something called the 'All-You-Can-Eat-Buffet."

"What's an 'All-You-Can'... What's that, Brain?"

"It is a brilliant plan perpetrated by the likes of 'Steak Houses' and Chinese food restaurants around the world. They convince people to spend vast sums of money on sub-par food, stale desserts, brown lettuce, and the best part is that they make the customers serve themselves," Brain explained.

"I still don't get it, Brain. How is that going to help us take over the world?" Pinky asked.

"Observe," Brain said, "This vial contains a highly concentrated form of my DNA. We will convert the restaurant downstairs to an 'All-You-Can-Eat' buffet. When our customers consume the food treated with this substance, they will be powerless to resist me."

"Oh, wow. It looks like soy sauce, Brain!"

"That's what I'm counting on, Pinky."

With that, the two would-be rulers of the Earth scampered down stairs and went to work. Pinky got to work in the kitchen as the Brain picked up the phone.

"Acme Signs and Manhole Covers, what can we push off on you today?" said the nasal voice on the other end of the line.

"Do you have any 'All-You-Can-Eat Buffet' signs in stock?" Brain asked.

"Yes, sir, how would you like that delivered — UPS Ground, 3-day Express, Overnight, or FTL?"

"FTL?"

"Faster-Than-Light, sir."

"Excellent! Please ship it 'FTL' then," Brain answered.

"Your total is $15,999.97. May I have your credit card number, sir?"

Brain searched frantically around the register for anything resembling a credit card. Finally he found one stuck up underneath the register and he read the numbers to the saleswoman on the other end of the line.

As the FTL delivery van pulled up outside the door, the saleswoman said, "Thank you, Mr. Nakanishi. It was a pleasure doing business with you."

Aboard the GodPhoenix. Buttons flash as the image of the mech-of-the-week lumbers across the main view screen. Oddly enough, it strongly resembles a lump of Limburger Cheese. It stops its progress through the streets of Utoland occasionally, but only long enough to spray a green gas at people on the street who promptly clutch their throats and pass out. The only sound is the snoring coming from the Pilot's chair.

"G-5, this is Nambu Hakase calling, respond."

"G-5, please respond."

"G-5, wake-up dammit! Respond!"

"I don't know what to tell you, Karen. Instruct Visa to pay the charges, we'll take it out of his paycheck."

Back at the Snack J, Pinky placed the final tray of DNA-laced food on the buffet line. When Brain unlocked the front door, he was promptly trampled by the herd of humans that had been gathering outside ever since the "All-You-Can-Eat" sign was lit. Brain recovered quickly and jumped behind the cash register as the leader of the herd numbly handed him a five-dollar bill. Brain passed the man a plate without a word, and so it went for some time — take their money, give them a plate, yell at Pinky to hurry it up with the popcorn shrimp, repeat.

It began softly in the back corner. A small child tugged on the shirt of his mother with a simple request. It spread from there, from booth to table, until every voice in the room echoed in unison, "We want cheese! We want cheese!"

It was either fate, or an incredible coincidence (or just MAYBE it was required for the plot — you be the judge) that the Limburgenkatse passed in front of the Snack J. The mech's gunner spotted another unsuspecting family entering the restaurant and took the opportunity to blast them with Limburger fog. The green gas wafted through the open door as its targets collapsed on the sidewalk.

When the patrons caught the scent of cheese, they bolted through the door and chased down the smelly mass. The gunner was taken by surprise by the maddened crowd, so he pulled the trigger and held it down until the gas completely obscured the crowd and anything more than 3 inches from the camera.

Katse sunk deeper into the plush La-Z-Boy that had been installed in her quarters. With hir right elbow propped on the arm, and hir head in hir hand, she wondered.

_Who in their right mind would invent a cheese mech?_

Sosai, of course, but who ever said Sosai was in his right mind? And then, to add insult to injury, he had to name the darned thing the "Limburgenkatse"!

Naturally Sosai had wanted his prize mutant to command this fermented joke. And naturally Sosai had picked a costume to match.

_Sosai did this on purpose. He knows I'm a Vikings fan!_

And how could Katse not love a team that was called "The Purple People Eaters"?

What Katse wouldn't give for the warmth of his customary cape & mask. If nothing else, it looked considerably more distinguished.

The vox box in hir room crackled.

"Katse-sama, we are proceeding toward the UN building per your orders, but,"

"But what?" Katse asked, barely letting hir annoyance into hir voice.

"We're under attack, sir."

"The Kagaku Ninjatai?"

"No, sir, I mean yes, they're on board, but we're being mobbed and the gas isn't working!"

Damn!

"I'll be there shortly," Katse gruffed.

Katse stood up. This disguise would be difficult to work with. All of hir other disguises worked because the build was similar to hir own. Not like this overweight, middle-aged buffoon. S/He was naked from the waist up. The left half of hir body had been painted bright green, the left was the most obnoxious color of yellow. The icing on the cake was the stupid piece of foam-rubber cheese s/he had to put on hir head!

IT'S EITHER THIS, OR THE SHAKESPEAREAN ANT, AGAIN Sosai had said.


	4. The Same Thing I do Every Night part 2

After twenty minutes of ordering, threatening, and finally, begging, Katse determined that the Limburgenkatse was doomed. The mob had halted it in its tracks and proceeded to rip into it. For once, Katse was not disappointed to lose hir mecha. If only s/he could convince the mob to finish off the Kagaku Ninjatai.

Dangling from a wall in the mech's center, Ken, Joe and Jinpei strained futilely against the manacles at their ankles and wrists. Jun alone among the Kagaku Ninjatai had the sense to hold her breath when the green gas hit. She watched the situation quietly from just inside a ventilation shaft in the ceiling.

"Fools!" Katse's image shouted from the monitor, "Even the advanced technology of your birdstyle suits cannot withstand concentrated Limburger gas! And if my gas doesn't kill you, little birds, the mob outside will!"

Gas cannons took aim on Katse's command, but before s/he could give the order to fire, a yo-yo burst from nowhere. In less time than it took Katse to shout, "Baka!" the Eagle was loose, followed by an irate Condor and a hyperactive Swallow.

When the goons came to their senses, the Kagaku Ninjatai were long-gone. Their comrades were running for their lives. They glanced out the window in time to get a glimpse of their taicho's retreating escape craft. The mob outside had breached the hull and was well on its way to dismantling the Limburgenkatse.

A disheveled Katse made hirself comfortable into hir escape craft. Not only had the insane crowd shredded the Limburgenkatse with their bare hands, they had tried to eat it. Katse had barely escaped with hir life when they noticed hir head gear. As s/he glanced out hir escape pod window, she saw telltale pieces of yellow foam rubber being bounced around in the crowd below. Somehow, Katse felt incapable of regretting the loss of hir cheesehead.

Upon discovering that the Limburgenkatse did not contain any genuine cheese or "cheese product", the angry crowd stormed back into the Snack J. Above the din of voices at the register demanding cheese, Brain was able to order Pinky to the storeroom to locate, "anything resembling a dairy product." Pinky emerged quickly with a lumpy mass that he distributed to the crowd. As the crowd members consumed their rations of cheese, the din grew calmer, the voices reduced to a dull roar, then quiet. As the last of their patrons exited the Snack, Pinky turned to Brain.

"What happened, Brain?"

"I do not know, Pinky. Clearly this formula is not as effective as desired for long-term use. Where did you find the cheese?"

"It was the Roquefort I smelled earlier, Brain. Hmm. After they ate it, they just left, Brain."

"Yes. Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Pinky?" Brain asked.

"Sure, Brain. But what would Bill Clinton do with a blue ascot?"

"No, you dolt! That cheese-like substance must be the antidote!"

"Egad, Brain! There's someone coming through the door!"

At that moment, Jun stormed in, followed by Jinpei. His quiet demeanor in contrast to Jun's stomping and banging indicated that all was definitely not well. Jinpei dashed upstairs without a glance at his surroundings, followed by Jun who appeared to be rather focused on yelling at something on her wrist.

"I don't care, Ken! Do you have any idea how much business that surprise inspection cost me? That woman shut me down for the whole afternoon! Oh, ha ha! Very funny! You owe me more than $1.25 mister Fearless Leader! I'm opening in 3 hours and your ass had better be here with dish gloves on, flyboy, or I'm calling in your entire tab!"

"Pinky, I think it's in our best interest to make a hasty departure before the owner of this establishment takes notice of our changes to the décor," Brain said, noting that their unsuspecting hostess was shouting at her wristwatch as opposed to something more logical, like a telephone.

With that, Pinky and the Brain beat feet out the backdoor of the Snack J.

As the morning approached, the exhausted members of the Kagaku Ninjatai made their way about their daily activities. Fortunately for Ryu, Visa called a second time to verify the charges ("Are you really, really REALLY sure?"). When the charges were declined, Acme Signs and Manhole Covers sent their FTFTL ("Faster-Than-Faster-Than-Light") crew out to recover the "All-You-Can-Eat-Buffet" sign before Jun or Jinpei crawled downstairs.

As the Acme van pulled away, Ken pulled up, roses in one hand, chocolate in the other. An early morning call to Joe indicated that this was the most reliable method to get back on Jun's good side. Knowing how Joe's relationships with women usually ended, Ken wondered if he shouldn't go to birdstyle first.

After one glance around the restaurant, Ken sincerely hoped Joe was right. The place was a mess. Ken hadn't seen it that bad since Jun took "My Way" out of the karaoke machine. Every kind of food imaginable littered the floor, and cigarette butts had been smothered on the booth tables. Three of Jun's nicer ceramic plates jutted out of the trashcan, and six more lay in pieces on the counter. One of the faux hanging plants sported a ceramic coffee cup, a wadded-up napkin, and 3 straw covers.

_Whatever fight Jun and Jinpei had last night must've been a doozy. How'd he get scalloped potatoes to stick to the ceiling like that?_

That's when Jun came downstairs. She really didn't know what to think. There was Ken, bearing flowers and chocolate, smiling sheepishly amid the total destruction of her bar.

"Honestly, Jun, I had nothing to do with this!"

"It was probably looters, or something. We stick our necks out to save theirs, and this is the thanks we get!" Jun replied, "But if you think flowers and candy will get you off the hook, think again! The broom's in the closet. And don't forget those potatoes on the ceiling!"

Ken sat down for a break a few hours later and was surprised when Jun offered him a plate of sushi, on the house. Unfortunately, Jinpei was still in bed, but Ken couldn't afford to turn down any food, no matter who prepared it.

_Hmm_, he thought, Better than usual. _It still needs something, though_.

Glancing around, he spotted the bottle of soy sauce sitting beside the register. There was just enough left in the bottom to satisfy his taste buds.

In the back, Jun had just finished repairing the rest of the damage done by the previous night's crowd of looters. She looked out to the bar where Ken sat, staring at something behind the bar. She began to feel sorry for what she had put him through. Ken had only called the health department jokingly to get back at her for taking his mileage money. He didn't think she'd actually get shut down. Her anger of the previous night faded as he continued to stare off into space, so she decided to venture out into the dining area and try to patch things up.

She took a seat on the other side of the bar from him. He kept staring at something behind her, so she turned to see what was so fascinating. All she could see was Joe's "special" rack for when he decided to take over the Snack for the night and cook pizza. When she turned back around, Ken had returned his attention to the sushi, which he consumed with enthusiasm.

"So, Ken, what are you doing tonight?" Jun hoped her smile would be contagious.

"Same thing I do every night, Jun," Ken mumbled, "Could you pass that Parmesan over here?"


End file.
